Lying as a defense mechanism

This is a particularly interesting topic because most people are raised to believe lying is not OK. In fact, for my father lying was wrong and also “withholding information” was lying. That is, one did not have the right to privacy.

“The hole truth and nothing but the truth” may be required in a court of law, or in the public space under Consumer Law where deliberate lying to gain financial advantage is seen as deceptive advertising or deliberate fraud.

For most people, little “white” lies may be part of our social interactions, and aimed at keeping relationships in tact, where full disclosure of one’s thoughts may be hurtful.

The following is AI text overview generated by a Google search on the 7 January 2025:

Yes, lying can be a defense mechanism that people use to avoid negative feelings or consequences. Some reasons people lie include:

• Fear of rejection: Lying can help people avoid being vulnerable and opening up to others, which can lead to rejection, criticism, or disappointment.

• Insecurity: People who feel insecure about themselves may lie to make themselves feel better or inflate their self-worth.

• Social status: People who value social status may lie to maintain their reputation.

• Coping with trauma: Lying can be a way to cope with past traumas or difficult situations.

• Substance abuse: People who abuse substances may lie to hide signs of their abuse.

Other reasons people may lie include:

• Anticipating … "right" answer to a question

• Feeling shame when asked a personal question

• Not feeling safe enough to show who they really are

  Lying can be adaptive at first, but it can also hurt people.

Other references worth exploring:

Why do we lie - what's the psychology behind it? -."
”lying allows a person to establish perceived control over a situation by manipulating it. It’s a defense mechanism that (seemingly) prevents them from being vulnerable that is, to not open up and reveal their true self to another person. To do so comes with the chance of the other person rejecting, criticising or feeling disappointed with you. And for a deeply insecure person, this can be unbearable.”

Ref: Psytherapy - 25. 03. 19

For some, lying has become primary coping skill and the lying is particularly prevalent for the person in their significant relationships. This tends to seem counter-intuitive for those who have never used lying as a coping skill.  I hear often from partners, loved ones and parents, “Why would you lie to someone you love?”

Ref: In Defense of Lying - Posted on May 4, 2018